The Race
The Daddy daughter running race is on today. My dad and I are racing in the race if you win then you get two tickets to a five star so if me and my dad are going to win me and him will go to the Hotel ourselves. “We are nearly at the end” I said. “I know” my dad said “Look behind you”. Another dad and daughter were right there but they were exhausted. They stopped running. In the end my dad and I won the race.
Alana
Hello Alana, I like how you have used dialogue to explain what is happening in the story. You might have thought using some different verbs to add interest to your story. For example, Dad gasped, I squealed, might have been good. It certainly would have been good though, to win and go to the Five Star Hotel.